I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
sex in a hospital.. check
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
