i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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