Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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