i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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