her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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