it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
