I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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