He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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