We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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