Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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