Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
