I'm lost and stupid without you.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
