you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
