I heard we made out
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
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