I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
