if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Congratulations! We have a period
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
