sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
