my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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