I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
