your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
soo... how was my night?
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