In the future we'll all be gay
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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