ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
