I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
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