Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
