and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
