Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
