you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
