are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I skipped work to stalk him.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
