just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
