the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
there is puke in my bra ... again
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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