I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
