she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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