my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
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My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
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My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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