You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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