dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
