I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He keeps bees of course he's weird
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
