you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
