There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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