We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
