Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
