can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
