a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
