woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Still dying that you shit outside
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
