My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize