come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
