So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
