you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
