dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
