he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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