Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She needs sedatives and a leash
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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