You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
