I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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