It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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