I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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