Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
you made out with another girl for some wings
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
