she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
