we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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