I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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