oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
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Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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