day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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