Can i not drive my cunt home
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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