This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
