the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
