Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I am midnight drunk by noon
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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