There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
